A Part, Apart

I see you.
Blood.
Sweat.
Tears.
But I wasn't there.

I feel you.
Joy.
Stress.
Sadness.
But I wasn't there.

I hear you.
Laughter.
Grumble.
Whimper.
But I wasn't there.

I was a part, apart.
Like some missing piece.
I wanted to reach
Out into where you are.
But I wasn't there.

Ain't No Way

Ain't No Way

Aretha Franklin

C12H22O11

Should I wait for the sugar to down this bitter pill?
'Cause it's been sitting here for a while
In my closed mouth, on my very tongue.
Should I wait to trade sadness for a smile?

Water might be cold,
And it just might do the trick.
But the fleeting moment through my throat,
Might make me yearn the kick.

I might just get used to
The pricks my buds feel.
The plastic must have melted
But I'm waiting here still.

(8:19 7/27/2012 Dorm Room) He didn't reply.

"You may look for it - but don't waste your time looking for it." (Pascual, 2012)

On looking for a rare blood cell in a blood smear...

...but I related it to the constant quest for love.

Crispy Nuggets of Wisdom #1: The Pen

When I was younger, I couldn't understand the need to shift from using pencils to using pens. Why would anyone want to write with something you can't erase? Now, I guess grown ups have their own twisted way of showing you that when we get older, there are some things we couldn't take back.


P.S. And when we try to cover our mistakes with the same pen, we only make things messier.

L'il Red Riding Hood

L'il Red Riding Hood

Amanda Seyfried

For the Love that don't fit in the mold.
For the Love that strives to exist.
For Love. For Love.

Hypocrates

Hypocrates

Marina & The Diamonds

Electra Heart

Contemplation: A Man Never Forgotten

It's been two years. And one word other than his name which signifies his position over me would flood me with memories. It's the lotto numbers that I would list every 9:00. It's the back-scratcher that would always find its way under the bed. It's the serious conversations that would make me afraid, understand things better, or both. But that same word would also fill myself with so much love and affection. It's the ice cream in the fridge for every occasion. It's the key that would always let us in the bedroom when Mom locks us out.  It's the 5 o'clock shadow that would sting my cheeks. It's the long walk from the dormitory to the school he always wanted me to be in.

In my constant search for love two images would suffice: him hugging my mother on a daybed without either of them saying a word, and him crying at a hospital bench when she got confined for a complication caused by a disease they both share.

I see him in nearly everything even when I close my eyes.

They say that we fear death because we don't want to be forgotten. But how could we when he has left us with enough to fill each day to the brim? So Daddy, don't you fret.

Wide Awake: A Review

Wide Awake

Katy Perry

Teenage Dream: The Complete Confection

Drama: ON. I don't know why, but after watching this music video, I have gained more respect for Katy Perry. It showed something deeper than the literally candy-covered chapters of her life. It showed that even the media kills you and masks who you really are and that fame could make you do the things you never wanted to.

Commenting on the graphics, it's has the typical music video over-coloration and over-drama, except for the street scene for the kid which was reminiscent of Last Friday Night. You can also spot references to her other music videos. (It's part of Pop Culture now. Go ahead and point those out.) My favorite shot would be the close up of the bitten strawberry in the hand of one crippled Katy Perry (OOH rhymes!). Now that I think of it, maybe it signified the weakness of holding on to what holds you down.

"Keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting what you're getting." (Rubian, 2006)

The Broken Ones

The Broken Ones

Dia Frampton

Red

Places

Beneath the grass beneath my feet,

But above the clouds above my head.

Inside the heart inside my chest,

Within the crevices within my head.

They're all the places where people die

But places you never cease to exist.

It's the people you leave behind

That make you feel you're missed.

I love you Dad, so much. 

(8:08 06/17/2012 Daddy's Office)

The Problem with Pink and Plastic

You can't have it all. You may have a job and a man, but in one way or another the inferiority complex would drive him to the point of curiosity. The pink interiors don't help either. I guess you wouldn't see Barbie going around and supporting Gay groups, then.

In the Dollhouse, a shoot by Dina Goldstein answers the question which boggled me first when I was in my first year of college: "What does it feel like to be dumped by a boyfriend for another guy?" A scary thought indeed with me answering, "Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much given that you're not the problem. It's him." or "You're still dumped, worst case for a man." But I guess these photos would suffice for that pink spiral downwards.

I just posted three photos but look for the whole shoot here and here.

An AVP for the Public Herald

(Some parts of this video are taken from YouTube)

Monday Morning

Monday Morning

Christina Aguilera

Bionic (Deluxe Edition)

Of Pills and Synths

In pursuit of finding out who I am, I was fazed with the quick surge of Korean Pop culture due to one band (I shall not name). It bothered me to points where I got out of my usual pity-party self and realized how happy I could really be. Even my friends say they haven't seen me this happy.

Then why make a fuss out of being happy? I'd instantaneously say that this is not my usual self. Adele has been a part of my then-usual playlist. I'd mix in some Christina Aguilera for attitude and angst and maybe sprinkle some Lily Allen to sweeten the "[expletive]" pot. Maybe I was that angry or deprived. Whatever that was, I would really want to know. Ask a psychologist maybe? I have not yet come to terms to what I want to feel everyday - escaping with happiness or staying to fight some unhappy war. And deep within this war myself clashes with what I really am in the moment, happy or sad? Happy to be happy or sad to be happy because happy wasn't really me? Do I even deserve to be happy? One thing's for sure, however. Whatever this happiness is, it has redirected my attention from what could have been to what could be. It has taken me from that pit of loneliness into some fine line where I'm left to argue with myself and even reach to self-hate. Maybe I'd choose a side, but that would be days from now.

With all this pain of figuring myself out I have remembered the red pill-blue pill situation of having yourself know the truth but deal with the pain that comes with it or retract to some blissful ignorance. This made me realize how people would have wanted to forget some things in their own past. Even I have some things that I want gone. Things I've said and done. Things I knew. Things gone. What do you get from detachment from the truth? Lies, yes, but do you think that you'd still be you after it?  You wouldn't - and maybe that's everybody's point for undoing things. You could have seen something else if it weren't for that big event that changed your life forever. But everybody rises up from those moments of weakness and become stronger than they were before. Tuesdays with Morrie indicates that "If you hold back on the emotions-if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them--you can never get to being detached [from the pain], you're too busy being afraid." Then it is okay to bathe in the pain. To bask in every single agony only to be free from it eventually. Swords don't get better if they haven't been put in the hottest of flames and hit several times with a hammer. Strength is getting by and surviving when you're the one in heat and not getting eaten by flames into ash. The pain today is infinitesimal to the joy of making it out intact. And to trade them for nothing would make you weak when a harder blow comes.

Ignorance is bliss but the truth is a privilege.

Since KPop, I have eventually took a liking for electronica, a far more unusual cry from the guitar strums, piano keys and horns my iPod usually carries. And somehow I was happy, unfortunately because of the detachment from reality Pop music brings. But without it, I would've never seen the absurdity of the reason of my sadness.  Thank goodness the pills are figments of man's imagination.

Tweet Something Journal-Worthy: Twitter for Academic Papers

I never knew that there would come a day that "a little birdie" would eventually be a reliable source in anything academic. Given the state of Social Networking and Education, it would take years before people see the true advantage of the likes of Twitter and Facebook in studying. I'd be struck with lightning if I say that social networking is making my grades better. I'd rather find people to chat with or tweet how boring it is getting out of bed just to grab a bite than open a tab for that rainbow of learning. Hey, I know I'm not the only one.

Escaping from school is not an option, neither is blowing it up. So we better embrace the inevitable. And now that thesis writing is near (by about a year), I better get a move on and find something academically worthy - not to mention so weird and cool. So here it is: Twitter and Academics.

I don't even know the amount of tweets in the world, but I do know it's many, and I'm pretty sure most of it is garbage in the spectacles of education. But I guess there are a few gems somewhere and all we gotta do is dig deep.

Sidenotes are at my source.
Rules are at the source of my source.

Indestructible

Indestructible (Acoustic Version)

Robyn

Body Talk

Say Goodbye

Say Goodbye

Katharine McPhee

Unbroken

Into The Future

STS was a breath of fresh air after all the prerequisite subjects and the GEs that seek attention like major subjects. Though full of papers, I find myself actually looking deeper into technology and myself, and how I have greatly changed over the years growing up with the internet. And of everything I have learned, I loved the topic of what’s coming next in a few years, decades, millennia.

The mere fact that people can imagine things way before their time could ever have the technologies to make them projects the possibility of the impossible. How anything that does not disprove any known laws of physics could still hold water no matter how absurd it is today. How a possible discovery could question formulations that stood as bases for nearly everything. The possibilities are endless to a point that whatever we can conjure up in our heads could actually be true. Even fairytales could have been parallel universes that have reached our minds that have detached from the frequency of the earth to tap the frequency of a “fork in a river”. How there could have been alternate realities of what could have happened. The “what ifs” in life that haunt you every single day is just another world away. The day you should’ve said yes when he proposed. They day you should’ve showed up on a date. The day you should’ve kept your urges jarred. The day you should’ve told the person how you really felt. The day you should’ve gone home to spend a Father’s day with your dad. The fact is, I could go on and tell what people could’ve had or lost if only they knew the consequences. What only limits us is the level of advancement the world is in now to live in what we dream of.

And on the same day, the last day, a golden nugget of inspiration has been dropped to signify what it really is to live and to be educated. “Slope of a line is rise over run. So Rise after every fall rather than run from every challenge.” (Espinosa, 2012)

I guess anything is possible when we try. If we only tried.

This comes from my paper on STS about my favorite topic. Thank you. :D