C12H22O11

Should I wait for the sugar to down this bitter pill?
'Cause it's been sitting here for a while
In my closed mouth, on my very tongue.
Should I wait to trade sadness for a smile?

Water might be cold,
And it just might do the trick.
But the fleeting moment through my throat,
Might make me yearn the kick.

I might just get used to
The pricks my buds feel.
The plastic must have melted
But I'm waiting here still.

(8:19 7/27/2012 Dorm Room) He didn't reply.

"You may look for it - but don't waste your time looking for it." (Pascual, 2012)

On looking for a rare blood cell in a blood smear...

...but I related it to the constant quest for love.

Contemplation: A Man Never Forgotten

It's been two years. And one word other than his name which signifies his position over me would flood me with memories. It's the lotto numbers that I would list every 9:00. It's the back-scratcher that would always find its way under the bed. It's the serious conversations that would make me afraid, understand things better, or both. But that same word would also fill myself with so much love and affection. It's the ice cream in the fridge for every occasion. It's the key that would always let us in the bedroom when Mom locks us out.  It's the 5 o'clock shadow that would sting my cheeks. It's the long walk from the dormitory to the school he always wanted me to be in.

In my constant search for love two images would suffice: him hugging my mother on a daybed without either of them saying a word, and him crying at a hospital bench when she got confined for a complication caused by a disease they both share.

I see him in nearly everything even when I close my eyes.

They say that we fear death because we don't want to be forgotten. But how could we when he has left us with enough to fill each day to the brim? So Daddy, don't you fret.

An AVP for the Public Herald

(Some parts of this video are taken from YouTube)

Of Pills and Synths

In pursuit of finding out who I am, I was fazed with the quick surge of Korean Pop culture due to one band (I shall not name). It bothered me to points where I got out of my usual pity-party self and realized how happy I could really be. Even my friends say they haven't seen me this happy.

Then why make a fuss out of being happy? I'd instantaneously say that this is not my usual self. Adele has been a part of my then-usual playlist. I'd mix in some Christina Aguilera for attitude and angst and maybe sprinkle some Lily Allen to sweeten the "[expletive]" pot. Maybe I was that angry or deprived. Whatever that was, I would really want to know. Ask a psychologist maybe? I have not yet come to terms to what I want to feel everyday - escaping with happiness or staying to fight some unhappy war. And deep within this war myself clashes with what I really am in the moment, happy or sad? Happy to be happy or sad to be happy because happy wasn't really me? Do I even deserve to be happy? One thing's for sure, however. Whatever this happiness is, it has redirected my attention from what could have been to what could be. It has taken me from that pit of loneliness into some fine line where I'm left to argue with myself and even reach to self-hate. Maybe I'd choose a side, but that would be days from now.

With all this pain of figuring myself out I have remembered the red pill-blue pill situation of having yourself know the truth but deal with the pain that comes with it or retract to some blissful ignorance. This made me realize how people would have wanted to forget some things in their own past. Even I have some things that I want gone. Things I've said and done. Things I knew. Things gone. What do you get from detachment from the truth? Lies, yes, but do you think that you'd still be you after it?  You wouldn't - and maybe that's everybody's point for undoing things. You could have seen something else if it weren't for that big event that changed your life forever. But everybody rises up from those moments of weakness and become stronger than they were before. Tuesdays with Morrie indicates that "If you hold back on the emotions-if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them--you can never get to being detached [from the pain], you're too busy being afraid." Then it is okay to bathe in the pain. To bask in every single agony only to be free from it eventually. Swords don't get better if they haven't been put in the hottest of flames and hit several times with a hammer. Strength is getting by and surviving when you're the one in heat and not getting eaten by flames into ash. The pain today is infinitesimal to the joy of making it out intact. And to trade them for nothing would make you weak when a harder blow comes.

Ignorance is bliss but the truth is a privilege.

Since KPop, I have eventually took a liking for electronica, a far more unusual cry from the guitar strums, piano keys and horns my iPod usually carries. And somehow I was happy, unfortunately because of the detachment from reality Pop music brings. But without it, I would've never seen the absurdity of the reason of my sadness.  Thank goodness the pills are figments of man's imagination.

Happy Mother's Day!

Ninang Len, My Mom and Me (circa recently)

Joining the bandwagon! But I do love her nonetheless. <3 I love you mom. So much. I know you don't approve of my super long locks, and now I do see why in this picture. Maybe I should just keep it at a certain length. Oh well. This post is about you and all the things you went through to keep us sane and insane (but mostly sane). Your life is a masterpiece worthy of a novel (hindi sapat ang MMK kasi medyo corny na yun ngayon). I love you so much, the stars wouldn't be enough to bribe me from loving you, because I know you outshine them all. Even though you bury me with criticism, I'd forget them soon afterwards and keep on living my life, it's me who determines it, but I'd always ask for guidance when the road gets rough. I love you, Mom.

Anybody's Heart

Anybody's Heart

Katharine McPhee

Unbroken

P.S. I have finally found the song to sum every single pain, reflecting just enough of me to fit to a T. Childish croo-ing to the excruciating lyrics in simple band-aid words. I have found the song of the week in an album I shunned. Make you reconsider, no?

Edit: HARING LEAR: Insanity at Its Most Complex

The Shakespearean Pieta: The King holding his beloved daughter who has done no wrong but be truthful and frank.

Feudal Japanese Clothing, Post-Apocalyptic Setting, Shakespearean Madness, Bald Actors, Filipino Language: Five things I would never think of being mixed, prepared and served.


But then again, I haven't seen much of anything really. So a fresh take on anything would be a wonderful slice of heaven after days when you just feel so "toxic".


So what else is in this bowl? Well, we could add great new friends, a possibility of acting the lead and relatively good seats to the mix. And when the mix is cooked and served, it comes in this wonderful white post-modernist box, the PETA Theater Center, lined with red and an eye-catching Neo-Filipino piece that looks into the history of the theater. What's inside is most probably the most eye catching of all. A red large room, decorated with destroyed paper lanterns, with some of them having the backbones to keep its shape. In addition to the post-apocalyptic state of the room, there were chandeliers with the covers nearly torn and an amazing throne of bamboo with a crown floating above the seater's head before the backdrop of bamboo frames that seemed to remind me of Encantada. I felt I was where I was supposed to be by merely entering the theater.


Given the setting, I would have never guessed what my gustation would come across: Shakespeare's King Lear. But with this new take on a classic, directed by Nonon Padilla, and being all-accepting as I am, I carried on with so much more excitement - more particularly with their clothing. Putting the Samurai skirts against the tight cotton tight tops was a flash genius! I would have never thought such fashion could be so modern and refined, most especially for men, since the Japanese fashion have only influenced female fashion, seen in the likes of Alexander McQueen. Furthermore, clothing ranged in limited colors of black - yes, shades of black, some very dark maroons, and even a few grays. This is in stark contrast to the whites of the main characters, Cordelia and Lear. The King's wardrobe has shifted from a dark-colored summer-polo-and-cargos combo to an added garbage bag cape and crown to a white Old English Top and tights ensemble that has defined his enlightenment and short-lived triumph. Cordelia's piece is what I truly applaud, for its versatility and simplicity. The immaculate white of the torso-fit dress which becomes matched with a lot of pieces like a white fan and gold tiara, a right-arm armor and a helmet with a large white feather, and even a wrap of clear plastic upon her death.


The furniture is mostly of Asian accents, mostly Filipino and Japanese. From the recyclables from native and natural elements to the everyday yet torn and time-punished pieces. The set also has a thing with small lights, present at the collar pieces of the evil sister's clothing and the crown in the throne. It is a nice touch to have the crown and scepter, symbols of kingly power hanging above the head of the seater. It is interesting to a point where the these items closely related to power is left on a throne, which would likely be related to the complete relinquishing of his land, and thus his power, to his two older daughters.


One of the best things about this take on Madness would be the switch of tongues, with a greater preference to the native one, without sacrificing the beauty of figures of speech in the original text. The sparing use of English in sometimes mocking, show-off, and/or emphasis-needed lines made it more attractive and appealing to the audience.


Time-lapses could be really confusing, given the common use of swords and horses which then shifts to a gun and very large electric fans, to shower-induced rains, and rain-coats. But the interest lies with this play of from-the-future parts in an old story retold.


Lastly, I would comment on the actors - yes, gender sensitively - actors, which are all male by birth. Having everyone except Lear to be bald is another form of playing with contrasts giving the viewer more focus on the King, which might have been played by many an understudy or double, given the length of some lines. The British Council is good at its art, which packages the whole shebang. The set, the lights, and most especially its actors who could carry a tune, and methodically be in character. The way they portray encompasses the humanness of humans, giving their disillusionment, swaying views and stands, and even their clam-ups to save themselves from the hurt that society or, even worse, the real world is throwing at them. Well, this is what I see. Some points to note are the scene of the eye-gouging, which is taken in a very admiring manner of complexity, more and less gore, and an ending to an act which would even make you gouge your own eyes; the fight scenes (a not so hunky, but still hunky guy to spot!) which would have needed much help, though knowingly, we must understand that violence is hard to fake; and lastly, the most amazing part of all, the ending with a thousand (an over exaggeration) quotes and excerpts, starting from T.S. Eliot, from cast standing between randomly placed lit candles in wire candle sticks.


I never knew a Post-Apocalyptic Cake could be heavenly.

Heap. Pile. Tower.

Recollections. The HARING LEAR memorabilia I had bought. It features photos, videos and a lot more. But the best part is the Packaging.

As of now, I am under loads of stuff to do! But not to fear! I shall keep posting - for this is the only thing keeping me sane right now. My Zoology classes have been piling like crazy, Chemistry is now accululating under my feet, and not a single word has been written for my PI 100 (Philippine Institutions 100, A Study on Jose Rizal) Literature.

But what I would like to discuss now are the objects of interest in this blog: The Literature and The Arts. Under Literature, I have under my wing are a list of PI100 requirements (an Essay about an Essay, a free-verse and a pantoum about a poem, and a short story on a minimal character in Noli Me Tangere), contributions to WAYWAYA, the university publication, and a HUM1 redo of my previously posted review on HARING LEAR. My professor - but more likely I - has given me a short time to accomplish this make-over for a possibility to be published in some paper/journal/hard material. While I am under a lot of pressure in thinking of topics for new material for the "mini-book" of the university.

In the arts, I am tasked to play the role of King Lear in a HUM1 class rendering of the eponymous play. So here's to a week dedicated to a slur of lines to memorize - or read from a dummy sheet. HARING LEAR was supposed to be the wood to start the fire of the play going and I ended up thrilled and scared shitless to be leading it. At least with it, I have now cleaned my colon.

So, here's to the rest of the semester and hoping I make it out alive. :D

P.S. I'd like to comment on the amazing packaging of the memorabilia above. The post apocalypse in the setting is well reflected by the pamphlet that even the lead is encased in a sheet of plastic, much so the part where he has finally turned mad. His eyes are covered with a paper similar to onion skin to give the strange lingering feeling of being bound to such madness.

HARING LEAR: Insanity at Its Most Complex

Feudal Japan Clothing, Post-Apocalyptic Setting, Shakespearean Madness, Bald Actors, Filipino Language: Five things I would never think of being put into a pot to be served.

But then again, I haven't seen much of anything really. So a fresh take on anything would be a wonderful slice of heaven after days when you just feel so "toxic".

So what else is in this pot? Well, we could add great new friends, a possibility of acting the lead and relatively good seats to the mix. And when the mix is cooked and served, it comes in this wonderful white post-modernist box, the PETA Theater Center, lined with red and an eye-catching Neo-Filipino piece that looks into the history of the theater. What's inside is most probably the most eye catching of all. A red large room, decorated with destroyed paper lanterns, with some of them having the backbones to keep its shape. In addition to the post-apocalyptic state of the room, there were chandeliers with the covers nearly torn and an amazing throne of bamboo with a crown floating above the seater's head before the backdrop of bamboo frames that seemed to remind me of Encantada. I felt I was where I was supposed to be by merely entering the theater.

Given the setting, I would have never guessed Shakespeare's Hamlet was going to be seen. But with this new take on a classic, directed by Nonon Padilla - and being all-accepting as I am, I carried on with much more excitement - more evidently with their clothing. The Samurai skirts against the tight cotton tight tops were so genius! I would have never though such fashion could be so modern and refined, most especially for men, since the Japanese fashion have influenced the likes of Alexander McQueen. Furthermore, clothing ranged in limited colors of black - yes, shades of black, some very dark maroons, and even a few grays. This is in stark contrast to the whites of the main characters, Cordelia and Lear, who have changed from a dark-colored summer-polo-and-cargos combo to an added garbage bag cape and crown to a white Old English Top and tights ensemble fit for a king. Cordelia's piece is what I truly applaud, for its versatility and simplicity.. The immaculate white of the torso-fit dress which becomes matched with a lot of pieces like a white fan and gold tiara, a right-arm armor and a helmet with a large white feather, and even a wrap of clear plastic upon her death.

The furniture is mostly of Asian accents, mostly Filipino and Japanese. From the recyclables from native and natural elements to the everyday yet torn and time-punished pieces. The set also has a thing with small lights, present at the collar pieces of the evil sister's clothing and the crown in the throne. It is a nice touch to have the crown and scepter, symbols of kingly power hanging above the head of the seater. It is interesting to a point where the these items closely related to power is left on a throne, which would likely be related to the complete relinquishing of his land, and thus his power, to his two older daughters.

One of the best things about this take on Madness would be the switch of tongues, with a greater preference to the native one, without sacrificing the beauty of figures of speech in the original text. The sparing use of English in sometimes mocking, show-off, and emphasis-needed lines made it more attractive and appealing to the audience.

Time-lapses could be really confusing, given the common use of swords and horses which then shifts to a gun and very large electric fans, to shower-induced rains, and rain-coats. But the interest lies with this play of from-the-future parts in an old story retold.

Lastly, I would comment on the actors - yes, gender sensitively - actors, which are all male by birth. Having everyone except Lear to be bald is another form of playing with contrasts giving the viewer more focus on the King, which might have been played by many an understudy or double, given the length of some lines. The British Council is good at its art, which packages the whole shebang. The set, the lights, and most especially its actors who could carry a tune, and methodically be in character. The way they portray encompasses the humanness of humans, giving their disillusionment, swaying views and stands, and even their clam-ups to save themselves from the hurt that society or, even worse, the real world is throwing at them. Well, this is what I see. Some points to note are the scene of the eye-gouging, which is taken in a very admiring manner of complexity, more and less gore, and an ending to an act which would even make you gouge your own eyes; the fight scenes (a not so hunky, but still hunky guy to spot!) which would have needed much help, though knowingly, we must understand that violence is hard to fake; and lastly, the most amazing part of all, the ending with a thousand (an over exaggeration) quotes and excerpts, starting from T.S. Eliot, from cast standing between randomly placed lit candles in wire candle sticks.

I never knew a Post-Apocalyptic Cake would be heavenly.

Photo from Haring Lear Memorabilia CD.

Haring Lear is wonderful with friends who appreciate the necessity of silence inside a theater. Thank you BSN '14 for having me and my friend Karla. The rides to and fro have been awesome. - xoxo, Dondie. 

Cat Skulls and Aldehydes

It took such a long time to remove this stuck-in-academical-rut state from myself. But nonetheless I enjoyed the beauty of the Cat skull above all bones from the set for my Comparative Anatomy class, which included those of the Dogfish shark, Turtle, Chicken, and of course, the Cat. With all the complexities and modifications that bones had to undergo to actually achieve certain states of "unvestegiality" (an invented term), proper motion and support, the ride to endless memorization of sometimes annoying bones have been lighter, to say least. But I am fazed by the nuisance of naming every bone when I eat my addiction of fried chicken.

But to use the bones as an alibi for a hiatus was completely incorrect, because it were true, I would have been blogging again by the last month, and not today. So I used the other loads of brain occupiers for excuses. Now that there is still an undying load of materials and a troubled self-consciousness that never permits me to leave my blog behind, I have returned, though still slightly unready.

With the event of literary works for my PI 100 class, the logs are now sufficient enough for me to continue the burning engine which keeps my heart warm and myself running.

So here's to loads of good things! And projects to come! And prose and poetry to share!

Photo from Flickr.

Ethnicity, Lights, Hope

The Lantern, The Dean and the Students. UP Lantern Parade from behind.

So December would not be totally complete without ending school this year with a bang. Hence, the Lantern Parade, a feast for the eyes where Lanterns (or Floats) are paraded to showcase talents for every college, bringing the Christmas spirit to the very academically intoxicated students of the university. See that bright yellow sun? That's ours.

Having an exam beforehand wasn't good for the likes of me, but I guess we need to rock a shirt with that "New Shirt" smell pretty well. Not to mention the amazing headdresses and mini-torches. 

The theme for this year would be Light in the Darkness, I guess. With all these lights against a dark background. Guys get torches while the girls get headbands with glitter-bombarded stars. But the best part of the accessories would be the Dean's. That big headdress of star fountains would surely turn a few heads around.

Photos: Left, Me in the shirt and the Lantern. Below, Headresses worn Boho by a friend, and Like a Queen by the Dean

Now the banner and cheer!

Photos: Above, The banner, cellophane, woven mat and lights. Left: My ugly nails and the wonderful Cheer.

Lastly, see our winning Facade, sad we didn't win the Lantern, which would have been there with the ones in UPD, but none the matter.

What I love about CPH is the ethnicity of their designs and that Filipino feel without a bias. This is what they should see every year.

So not, let's gaze on the Oblation's ass which represent the Filipino spirit.

The Gift of Inspiration

Well, This MIGHT be awkward but I'm surely thanking this guy right here this way. Hi! Thank you so much. Listening to Sia, then seeing STORIES: All-New Tales Edited by Neil Gaiman and Al Sarrantino is something so feelgood. So I feel so grateful, for inspiration as a gift, because without it, progression is not possible. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I couldn't express it enough.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Heaven

Heaven

Natalia Kills

Perfectionist

Happy Birthday, Daddy. Wishing you the happiest of birthdays, I hope you're happy somehow. Hoping this song sums up what we all feel.

Achromatic Thematic

Verisimilitude that is a Party. Louie and Me with my surprise stuff, all planned out by Reah.

It's really such a nice feeling to have parties, not only because of the food, which in my case is the only thing that keeps a party alive, but also the people and the friends who you celebrate with. THIS IS A REASON TO PARTY. The endless joy of being very funny people on one of your most special dates. Too bad my parents could enjoy this, but my friends were enough to make this day special.

What I thought would just be a plain food gathering turned out to be an all-out surprise! It even made me so happy to see the achromatic scheme of the balloons which came in shapes of molecular orbitals and geometries, which is basic in Chemistry, a subject that I adore most.

Left and Lower Left: Friends at a friend's condo. The names I would not specify for their safety. But nonetheless, you could see the cramped bodies and freakish smiles.

This is long overdue! ( This happened last November, 2011)

Well, besides eating, we watched videos, not to mention the cyst extraction video where the yellow substance really looks like the mashed potato that day. Not much touched the thing that day. I'm sorry, Charca, it still tastes good though.

Then there were happy birthday songs and Christmas songs. YAY. Not to mention the freaky low budget MC music video. We had a laugh fit over it. 

By the way, I'd like to mention a friend of mine who ordered cake online right in front of me while his laptop was connected to the big LCD TV. One saying, "Mahal yan (It's expensive)." Then he says, "Ok lang yan. Si Dondie naman (It's ok. It's for Dondie." Thank you so much!

Then, I would like to thank Reah, my super super awesome party planner. I didn't have much of a fret when you helped me plan this whole fiasco. I love you to bits. The balloons were perfect. The huge-ass card embedded with a multitude of post its were tear-inducing (but i did not cry), that my mom praised it. The CD is even played until now, but in moderation because I pity my Standard version my Aunt bought for me. Thank you so much. You rock! Lunch again?

AAAAAAAAAAAAND the day won't end with me having a picture to savor these moments, actually with that much pictures, I had enough to actually end the day in just a minute. So here are some of MY photos. I would want to put you guys. I want to keep all of you safe ;) 

The Best for Last:

(c) All Photos from Louie's Camera Shot by nearly everyone there who touched the camera